American marriages have been on the decline for a long time. Data on Statista.com show that in 2021, six people per 1,000 nationwide were married, down from 9.8 people 20 years ago. A recent online discussion uncovers some brutal truths about matrimony, and people share their wisdom for marriage success.
1. One Way Streets
Like most things in life, you get back what you put in, and marriages are no exception. However, both members must put in the necessary effort — if one partner gives everything and the other doesn’t, they will fail. Being in a couple is like joining a team where no one player can be carried.
2. They Will Drive You Mad
One wife shares her irritability with her husband’s musical ability (yes, that seems like a strange bugbear). Her issue is that if he hears one song, he will sing it for the next few days — the selfish man. We will never love everything about our partners; sometimes, what makes them attractive will be annoying one day.
3. Small Issues Make Big Deals
One thousand small issues can cause more damage over the long term than one major issue. Those small annoyances you can’t shed will be deal breakers further down the line when you are having an off day. Marriage is learning to forgive or forget small annoyances so we can focus on the things we love.
4. Unconditional Devotion
You don’t always have to like your partner to love them. By agreeing to partner with someone forever, you do so unconditionally. There will be days when you are not pleasant to be around, which will test you both. We are all human and have bad days.
5. Marriage Is The Worst Band-Aid
So many emotionally volatile people choose marriage, thinking it might bring them peace of mind when all it does is make things worse. Before entering into holy matrimony, we must work on ourselves first, losing the baggage that makes us so insecure. Choosing marriage to save oneself is a flawed method for salvation.
6. When Are You Having Kids?
Some newlyweds become disillusioned with married life, not because they are unhappy, but because people pressure them to have kids. Imagine a mother-in-law telling her new daughter she needed to know “when” they would be having kids so she could move closer to them.
7. People Change Over Time
Whatever ambitions, joys, or hangups you had in your twenties change over time, which married people must understand. Your spouse will not stay the same, and it is up to you to relearn what makes them happy. Realigning ideals isn’t necessary, but empathizing with your loved one’s changes is.
8. Love Is Like Mountaineering
There is a good reason traditional marriage vows include “in sickness and in health” and “for better or for worse” because these provisos reflect the reality of marriage. There is no such thing as a perfect or easy marriage, and most go through peaks and troughs like any good hike. The days to remember are when we stand hand-in-hand, proud of our progress; the ones to forget are when we get bogged down in the valley.
9. Kids Change Everything
Before we become parents, we have a naive, romantic version of how raising children looks. While these moments come and must be appreciated, children will put a huge strain on your physical wealth, emotional stability, and finances. As they grow, finding time for one another is essential.
10. You Are Different People
As much as we think we are similar in our romantic interests, loving the same music, enjoying the same food, or agreeing on politics may initially seem enough. Still, there are many other divisive issues to uncover. Couples must establish some ground rules before committing to a shared life: agreement on a mutual love of kids, pets, and living arrangements comes first.
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