Working in an office is rewarding at its best, but at its worst, we must spend far too many hours with individuals we might generally avoid. For every Ron Swanson, there is always a Dwight Schrute. A recent online post shares people's character profiles for the real-life characters they know in their office job.
1. The Office Hero
“The married-to-their-job people that think bending over backward for a company is some badge of honor,” says an embittered employee. Nothing enrages a workforce more than the self-righteous office hero — you know the one. One poster hates how “they work a ton of hours and make everyone else look ‘bad' to upper management, but they don't actually get results, and are difficult to work with due to their incompetence.”
2. The Never Sick Worker
We all know the brave work warriors who come into the office regardless of their health, lest they take a sick day. However, as fearless as they may seem, there is no joy in sharing the drinks cooler with a colleague coughing up their lungs or constantly blowing their nose.
3. The Always Sick Worker
On the flip side, we have the absent worker. “The ‘I'm sick every week,' or ‘My kids are sick every day' people when they are clearly not,” one annoyed office clerk confesses. “Can't stand them.” Being a father, I know the temptation to use kids as an excuse for absence is tempting, but parents must spare a thought for their childless colleagues.
4. The Office Chatterbox
“Non-stop talkers drive me crazy!” says an enraged employee. “I have trouble with being easily distracted in the first place, so someone who's constantly talking, whether you're interacting with them or not, drives me up the wall.” If you have this person in the office, noise-canceling headphones are an option, though this blocks you from other necessary communication.
5. Stationary Hawks
“The guy with the basement cubicle who is obsessed with his red Swingline stapler,” says one poster in a niche statement revealing true-life experience. What do we do about the basement stapler guy? I know a certain TV sitcom scene in which they encase the office stationary hawk's favorite desk devices in jello — I can't think which one it is, though.
6. The Retiree Who Won't Retire
Sadly, some older figures struggle with tech issues, which can frustrate a computer-literate workforce that must slow productivity. “And we're also her tech support because she can't keep up with different systems and changes,” says a beleaguered office tech worker who clearly deals with such a lady every day. Not everyone has the luxury of retirement at the right age, so we must be mindful of our older generation.
7. Time Bandits
Some workers get away with punctuality murder, according to this commenter who says, “The ones who walk in late, stack their lunch on top of yours, chat in the break room for half an hour about how bad traffic is and how they can't find parking in the parking lot.” That sounds like a very specific description to me, and that coworker sounds irritating.
8. Horrible Bosses
“The bosses who are out of the office more than they're in the office but have no trouble acting like they know what's going on when they're in the office,” says a much-praised thread poster. Does this sound like a boss who would take credit for his subordinates' ideas, target delivery, and hard work? Asking for a friend.
9. The Office Snitch
Every work environment has a Lord Baelish-type character who seems to eavesdrop at key private moments, revealing tidbits of office gossip to the top table. The worst form is those who publish their colleagues' private work-critical statements. “The person who tells the boss all the gossip which everyone has been speaking about the business,” adds a distrustful observer, “when they know fine well that the boss will go crazy and have a go at everyone.”
10. The Office Charmer
How are these people allowed to get away with it? When your workplace has a boss who plays favorites, that's how. “The charismatic guy that's everyone's friend,” argues a poster speaking from experience, “who gets by having those friends do the actual work when they're too busy to do their own job.”
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